Beauty And The Beast

Nadia is an old friend of mine in the grip of a dangerous addiction. No, not drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling, or any of the usual stuff that most of the people I know suffer from; Nadia only ever dates ugly men.

Now, before you all start posting in a frenzy, going God, Sara, you're so shallow and it's what's on the inside that counts, yada yada - just wait a minute and hear me out. This is not a cheap pop at people who have had the misfortune to have been hit with the ugly stick, so bear with me. There is a point.

Nadia is drop-dead gorgeous, kick-ass funny, scarily intelligent and inexplicably solvent. In fact, is she wasn't my friend, I'd probably hate her. She's perfect, such a shining example of womanhood that she's practically a goddess. She could take her pick. So why is it that Nadia can always be relied upon to leave a party with the worst-looking guy in the room?

One night Nadia turns up at one of our usual haunts with her latest conquest in tow. I'm like, wow, Nadia, you've really outdone yourself this time. She smiles and goes, yeah, I'm so happy. Isn't he just the cutest? I take another look to make sure I didn't miss anything on my first double-take, and I'm like, um, no. I mean, I don't want to offend you, but he's not exactly a looker, is he? Nadia looks over at her latest squeeze, purses her lips, and goes, I guess not. I go, so tell me, what's so great about him? Is he fantastic in bed? Nadia looks a bit coy and says, he's not bad. OK, I go, so has he got an amazing personality? She's like, well, I suppose he's quite funny. I go, so he's a millionaire or something, right? She shakes her head, not at all, I earn more than he does.

I've just about exhausted all the possibilities when Nadia turns to me and says, don't you get it, Sara? Ugly guys try so much harder. Think about it, she says, your average good-looking guy has to shoulder the weight of a huge ego. They're more concerned about themselves than about making you happy. And most good looking guys have so many girls throwing themselves at them it's more temptation than they can cope with. And who can be bothered with that?

She gets all dreamy and goes, ugly guys make me feel great.

I'm stunned.I mean, think about it. If Nadia needs a guy to make her feel good about herself, what hope is there for the rest of us mere mortals in the self-esteem stakes?