10 Things You Need To Know About Me

1. I will never tell you that I love you.
2. I never make promises I know I can't keep (unless I'm drunk, fucked-up or desperate to get laid).
3. I'm allergic to relationships.
4. I work in a club. Behind the bar. Yes, I know that's not much of a career, nor do I care.
5. My father is a cosmetic surgeon. Think about that next time you get the fat hoovered from your arse.
6. My mother is a psycho borderline-obsessive. But she looks great (see above - they're divorced but she still gets substantial discounts, I think it was part of the settlement).
7. No, I haven't had anything done. By my dad? Are you kidding?
8. I have great shoes. And a major footwear fetish.
9. I got kicked out of school when I was 16 for turning up to the end of year dance off my face on mushrooms and claiming to be the Virgin Mary (that's a Catholic education for you).
10. I don't want to remember how many guys I've slept with. In truth, most of them were pretty forgettable. Which I guess is kind of sad.