Are we settling for second best?

Or is it that we're just too unrealistic about romance to start out with?

I was out with a friend a couple of nights ago, and I tell you, she's a mess.

It surprised me. I've known Vic for five years or so. She's always been one of those people that you look at and just sigh. She has it all; the body, the boyfriend, the job, the wardrobe, the flat, the car, the holidays, the social life... everything. She even has great hair. She's like a living aspirational magazine spread.

Anyway, we're out sharing a pizza and a so-so bottle of wine. Just like most nights when we go out. Then Vic looks at me and she says, Sara, where did it all go wrong? I go, yeah, well, I wouldn't quite put it like that. My life might not be all that great but maybe wrong is not quite the right word to use. Especially if you want to stay my friend. She gives me a blank look and goes, huh? I'm talking about me here. So I return the blank look and say, what the hell are you talking about? What could possibly be wrong with your perfect life?

So it all comes out. How her relationship with Jake sucks. Like she says, she expects to be stressed at work. That's what she's paid for. But she does not expect to be stressed at home. Home should be her haven, her refuge, where she recovers in time for the next working day. And it just isn't happening because every time she looks at her boyfriend Jake, she's like, why? What am I doing with you? Why am I cutting my losses and settling for second best? And the very thought is, like, Stress City.

You'd think Jake is top boyfriend material. He's a nice guy. He's a good-looking guy, but not so much that he's all vain and cocky about it. He's never, as far as I know, screwed around on Vic. He buys her great birthday presents. They go on sun-drenched holidays a few times a year. Own a flat together. Party together. Laugh together. I mean, that sounds pretty good, right?

But Vic says it's not enough. That she needs to be with someone who makes her short of breath. Someone who makes her want to jump his bones. Someone who holds her hand like he means it. Someone who makes her feel passion, every waking moment of the day.

I'm like, Vic, how long have you been with Jake? She's like, too long. Ten years. I'm rolling my eyes at her, going, Vic, life is not like a Mills and Boon novel. Jeez, doesn't it tell you something that the last chapter ends with the couple getting it together? The excitement is all at the start, you can't sustain that for years and years. You can't have that first flush of romance forever. And she goes, yes, you can. You've just got to keep looking for it. You've got to be prepared not to settle for second best.

Personally I'm of the opinion that love doesn't exist. Romance is just so much bullshit, designed to rob females of common sense and self-respect. Who wants to spend their life weeping into a pillow and sitting by the phone? But Vic is buying into the whole true love thing big time, to the point that she's willing to toss everything she has to go off and chase rainbows. However, this is her life, not mine, so I have to try and bite back my judgement of it.

So I'm like, whatever, if it's causing you this much grief then maybe you should just dump Jake and get out there. Maybe you've outgrown each other. Maybe you're just bored.

But what's causing Vic the major stress is that she wants to start having kids. She's several years older than me so she's of the opinion that if she wants kids at all then she needs to get serious about it, and soon.

She goes, if I dump Jake to find someone else then I run the risk that the kids won't happen. I mean, I'll have to find someone who I can get crazy in love with, who'll also be crazy in love with me, plus who's ready to do the family thing. And I have to do all this before my eggs run out.

I'm like, I don't think I'd bet money on it.

Or, she says, do I just stay with Jake and have kids, because that's a cast-iron guarantee? But then I'm doomed to a life of boring sex and the thought that the right guy for me is out there somewhere and I'll never find him because I lost my nerve and settled for second best.

I go, that's the risk. You have to figure out what's most important - the hope of having kids or the hope of finding everlasting romance.

And Vic says, well, I could always forget about having kids and just get a cat instead.

And I say, I guess that's your answer, then.

And she says, I guess it is. And then she smiles, properly - with her eyes and her soul - for the first time that night.