Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Things I found under my bed today

For some inexplicable reason I decided to tidy my room this morning. Actually, it's not that inexplicable. The flash point came when I couldn't locate one matching pair of shoes - and I have lots of shoes. Even I can't cope with that level of utter chaos.

Here is a list of things I found under my bed:

One pair of Calvin Klein boxers (scarily last century - and I have no recollection of their owner, even more scary)
One pack of Rizla
Two (empty) boxes of Durex Fetherlight
Four ripped up tube tickets
One set of furry pink handcuffs
One concert ticket - The Pixies, 1st September at Ally Pally, London (it was GREAT)
One g-string, pink, with ribbon ties
One slightly grey sports bra
One (empty) bottle of Bollinger
One (empty) bottle of Jack Daniels
One (empty) bottle of Absolut
One (almost empty) bottle of Vittel
One copy of Scarlet magazine
One copy of Vogue
One copy of Penthouse (I swear, I have NEVER seen it before)
One half-eaten Walnut Whip
My favorite pair of Earl jeans
One black stocking, slightly laddered
One dog-eared copy of Mil Millington's 'A Certain Chemistry'
One bottle of massage oil
One blonde wig

I'm not sure what this says about my life, except that I'm a lazy cow who never does any housework.

15 comments:

WDKY said...

Actually, there are certain combinations of those items that would say quite a lot about you. And probably get you arrested.

Come on, get the hoover out...

Kate B. said...

arrested? hmmm. Now that's something I've never tried...
And as for hoovering, Helen and I are currently inviting applications from willing slaves - no perks and you have to supply your own rubber pinny, but there's lots of job satisfaction for the right candidate. :-)

WDKY said...

Can I just charge consultancy rates?

Kate B. said...

I think you'd be too expensive for us, wdky, but I'll have a chat with Helen about getting you in for a trial run. Can you supply your own Jif and scrubbies?

TJ said...

Hmmm--let's consider the offer:

Working as a houseboy for a sexy girl with great taste in alcohol (Absolut, Bollinger), lingerie (pink thong,black stockings), and accessories(furry pink handcuffs, blond wig, massage oil).

Don't worry about the perks--I'd gladly pay the airfare every week just to be able to commute to that job... :)

Anonymous said...

Jif, Scrubbies, pinny? Damn, I have to break out my british english book and get up to date LOL

Sky said...

Hmm, maybe that's where I should look for my favorite black lace panties (and I didn't mean under your bed, but mine). I miss them!

.- said...

fab pic - and that could be a game. what did you find under the bed?
Housekeeping is for maids and housewives.
forget about it.
have fun

Kate B. said...

tj - now you're talking. How does Monday at 10am suit?

Kate B. said...

catherine - LOL. Jif - cleaning fluid. Scrubbies - cleaning sponge thing with scourer on one end. Rubber pinny - an apron made of rubber, beloved of submissives the world over and very practical for household duties.
sky - in my experience, everything ends up under the bed, or wedged down the seat of your lover's car. :-)
velma - I think we have a housework ethic in common. :-) I don't need to live in an Ideal Home centre spread to be happy - I'll leave that particular neurosis to my mother.

TJ said...

I've just cleared all of my cases off of the schedule for next week and will book the quickest flight to Heathrow to be there bright adn early for my first day at my new job!

I've never flown to Europe before--do they still sell tickets for the Concorde???

Kate B. said...

tj - sadly, Concorde is no more. You'll have to travel via the good old jumbo, but Helen and I promise to make it up to you when you arrive. ;-)

thanks doc, I aim to please. Rizla - cigarette papers for professional spliff-building.
Durex Fetherlight - I believe you call them 'rubbers', I imagine 'empty' speaks for itself. ;-) and doc, what's happened to your blog???

riskybiz said...

Your life seems alot more excitng than mine.
We'll forgive for the penthouse mag!

Kate B. said...

riskybiz - I swear it's not mine! Helen denies all knowledge as well but I think it really is hers - she's a bit of a dirty cow.
doc, glad you could take a break from all that business to pop in. :-)

Maya Stein said...

I think this says fantastic things about you, actually. A real connoisseur of a certain sort. The kind of woman who knows what to bring to the bedroom (and what to keep under the bed!). And nothing beats a list. There's always a certain poetry to them, don't you think?