The Big Talk

Since I crossed the finishing line in a state of mind-blowing triumph the other night James has been burning up my phone line. Yes, I was that good.

Due to various distractions, I haven't been able to get in my usual 'this is what I think of relationships' talk. Which is kind of dumb of me because I know from experience that if this conversation doesn't take place right at the start of something then I am in for a whole heap of trouble.

So when James called me last night I decided I had to dive right in there and tell him how it is and how it's got to be if he wants to hang out with me.

So I go, James, I’ve got to tell you. I don’t do relationships. Not in the conventional sense. He's like, what does that mean? I go, well, committment doesn't exactly figure big in my life. It's a no-go area for me. He's silent for a beat, then says, well, I'm not in the market for anything heavy but maybe you want to spell it out for me. Does this mean the other night was a one-off?Because I have to tell you, Sara, I hope that's not the case. I go, James, I would love to do that again. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I don't stray into serious territory. My way of looking at it is that we have a good time, we enjoy what we each have to offer, and then when the fun fades we move on. No recriminations, no bullshit, and no emotional fallout. OK? James goes, do you have some specific timeframe in mind? I'm like, no, I'm not that organised. Then I say, I just can’t see the point of keeping something after the sell-by date expires. He laughs and says, who would?

But that's the thing. Lots of people do. Lots of people just keep on in there, thinking that anything is better than being alone, anything is better than having to go out there and find someone else who might turn out to be worse than what they have right now. My way of thinking is that it’s better to enjoy something while the spark lasts and then let it go, move on. At least this way you leave with good memories and good experiences.

I go, you're kidding me, right? Look around you. I can name at least five people in relationships who are doing exactly that. Personally, I don’t have the patience to wait for things to go sour.
He's like, pissy-voiced, so you don’t think that it’s worth hanging on and trying to sort it out? You judge it to be terminal, so you press the ejector seat button and bail out? I go, that's right. Maybe one day I’ll find someone so amazing that I’ll allow myself to wallow in vats overflowing with emotional angst but I’m not holding my breath. I don’t believe in fairytales. There's a long pause and then he says, no, nor do I.

Anyway, I'm not convinced that he entirely got it but it's been said, so at least he knows where he stands and won't start pestering me to go meet his mother or anything similarily hideously vile.

But he did talk me into going to some dinner party a friend of his is throwing on Sunday night. I'm not looking forward to it much as 1) I can't stand dinner parties and 2) James' mates sound like a bunch of twats. Oh well. The stuff you go through to get a shag, hey?