Oh man. Lars is on my case again.
Lars is this second-rate DJ who gets pulled in to play at the club whenever any other DJ pulls out. It's like, oh shit, it's one hour before we open and DJ BigDick has pulled a whitey. OK, what do we go for, Lars or silence?
Personally, I'd prefer silence, but then that's just me.
Lars is pretty hot in the physical sense; he passes for a tall blonde Norwegian Love God under the club lights and I guess the fantasy holds for as long as he keeps his mouth shut. Most people mistake Lars for a sexy silent type but I know better; the lights might be on but his brain cells are definitely on an extended holiday. The things that come out of his mouth are intensely dumb; I mean, this is the guy that once told me that he doesn't read books because they give him a headache.
Anyway, Lars walks into the club on Saturday night and makes a beeline for my bar. I'm feeling all kinds of crappy so I'm not on for a slime-fest, but it doesn't seem that I have much choice in the matter. Lars is full-on, all smooth charm and wolfish smile, both a sure sign that his girlfriend is out of town and he’s looking to fill the temporary vacancy. He’s out of luck. I might be partial to meaningless emotionless sexual encounters but I’m not a complete idiot - I’ve had intimate knowledge of Lars before and he wasn’t much of a main course so I’m certainly not in the mood to go back for dessert. From my first and last foray on his Ikea futon, I can confirm that Lars is definitely a legend in his own underpants.
Lars goes, babe, how's it going, eyes checking out my t&a. I'm like, yeah, it's going great, at least it was until you walked in. You'd think he'd get the hint but Lars just keeps on talking at me, or rather, at my tits, yada yada yada, on and on until I start feeling violent. I mean, there is only so much a girl can take, right? So I go, Lars, look, you're doing my head in. Can you just stop talking? Just stand there and look pretty, otherwise I really can't be held responsible for my actions. I might have to kill you or something.
I'm expecting him to be a little offended. I mean, wouldn't you be? I fucking well would be. But no, Lars just laughs, pokes his finger down my cleavage and replies, so, fancy coming back to my place tonight?
I actually think that Lars gets some kind of sexual kick out of me being mean to him. Maybe I should change tactics and be really sweet. Maybe if I beg him for sex he'll run a mile? Then again, I'm not sure it's a risk I'm willing to take.
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5 comments:
Try being sweet. You never can tell and you can always switch back.
Maybe the switching would turn him off.
No, I think you need to be a little blunter.
Oh, bollocks to Lars. I'm just pissed off that I slept with him in the first place. I hate guys like him, so not sexy. It was a moment of shameful weakness.
wdky - more blunt? Jeez, I'll end up killing the guy.
Maybe he thinks that being mean is part of your personality. I've had the same trouble with men. I'm mean to them and it just makes them pursue me even more because they think I'm just playing hard to get...
Ikea futon?! I just found that hysterical. Yes, I'm weird... :)
Some men just can't believe anyone would actually not find them sexy.
They tend to become fat, bald addicts very quickly, so hang around & you get the last laugh:-)
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